Put The Burger DOWN

Why are people eating while they drive? Last I checked, driving was still one of the most dangerous activities we undertake on a daily basis. Think about it. All it takes is one mistake by some dummy to send you screeching into a ditch in a fiery death trap. Statistically, flying is safer. Flying. FLYING. Yeah, that thing you do when you get into an even bigger, rocket fuel powered, potential fiery death trap. Yet, your goony butt can't put that McBurger down, can you?

Most people can't drive safely with two hands and two feet. I've seen it. All the swaying and rapid lane changes while texting, putting on makeup, changing cds, lighting cigarettes, it's crazy! I've got a relatively clean driving record *knock on wood* and I attribute that to a firm believe in the need to focus on the road in front of me, not on the text on my phone from that one chick who promised to do that one thing that me likey so much. I mean, if I really wanna check it I can always pull over, right?

Of course, in my youth I was not above common driving delinquency. Changing clothes down to the underwear, eating, drinking (NON-alcoholic beverages), talking on the phone, the usual suspects. But now is not the time for such risque behavior people! The roads are terrible, potholes are bigger, cars are wider, and the weather is more ridiculouser than normal. Why aren't people taking better care as they drive to avoid careening into other non-paying-attention drivers?

All I know is that I'll keep my eye open for these nibbling nitwits. Hopefully, if I'm lucky, I'll get to see one of 'em flip their car by doing something stupid. My bad, I don't mean that. Ok, yeah I do.

Self-Scan Stupids!!!

The way I go grocery shopping, I never buy more than 10 or more items at a time. Mostly it's because I'm lazy and I'd rather go two times a week and carry a little bit of stuff than go twice a month and haul out everything on a palette.

This method of shopping affords me the ability to cash out exclusively at the Self-Scan machines. I wait in a brief line, get my stuff together, pay out and peace out. It's quick, efficient, and awesome.

However, I've begun to encounter a steady enemy in my way. Always ready to ruin my ninja-like entry and departure, the Cart Commando has found fun in pulling up their grocery cart and taking their sweet, ever-lovin' time running their endless piles of crap through the scanners.

What makes them think that's normal behavior? There are lines specifically designated for their cereals, soups, and celebrity magazines. Why would they take up space in MY nifty little niche of speed-shopping heaven so they can do up their own grimy groceries?

Bums, the lot of them! Bums I tell you!