Monday's Good Thing That Went Wrong

Kids Entertainment

Breasts. Pert. Firm. Lovely. They didn't sit on her chest so much
as stand, at attention, alert, brown nipples perfectly placed in the
bottom third of the breast, evenly spaced, wonderful. She was
standing on a large rock in front of a waterfall, her face a mask of
innocence, ignorant to the magical effect she was conjuring with her
powerfully sexual visage.

He, like her, was an actor. But in that moment I'm sure that he, like
me, was trapped within his masculinity, impelled to do nothing more
than stare in open-mouthed worship. They co-starred in a film called
"Sheena: Queen of the Jungle", an embarrassingly foolish film*.

The movie was a ludicrously stupid attempt to make a star of Tanya
Roberts and her craze-inducing hotness, but all it really did was make
a man out of me. I was in elementary school when the movie came out
so I didn't know why I liked looking at her since girls my age didn't
look like that. But my body understood.

Childhood is a rehearsal for adulthood. Yes, it's more an adept
simulation since you don't have to pay your own bills or make your own
way (in most cases), but the principles are almost exactly the same
for one and the other:

1) We wake up early, every day, to go go into a place where we will be given a large set of tasks.

2) We will be expected to achieve at the tasks given. The various levels of achievement will determine our social rank.

3) Authorities are placed above us to ensure we work within the system present to adjust our placement and to make sure we find commonality amongst those of similar social rank.

4) We will develop and maintain friendships with people we like and learn
to function socially with those we don't.

5) We will seek out romance within these social circles so as to find
emotional completeness and personal validation.

Nowadays we treat our children like they're morons. "Sheena" was rated PG. Tanya Roberts was naked at LEAST twice and topless once more in the movie. Can you imagine a PG movie with exposed nipples and full bush coming out this summer? PIXAR makes The Incredibles which has NO nudity, NO ONE dies, and NO profanity...but it's rated PG? It's a whole other world for films today.

I remember a movie called The Neverending Story. There are a few deaths, a little profanity (from kids, but still), dark storylines, and the creepiest flying entity that ever existed in fiction, but it was rated PG. Now? It would be branded PG-13 right along with The Dark Knight. With the frightful homicidal menace created by Heath Ledger's Joker does that make sense to you? And remember, The Godfather is only a step up from that. What message do we send to our kids when we baby them with light fare before we inundate them with sex and violence? Is it any wonder our adolescents are so eager to grope for adult responsibilities WELL before they're ready?

Television shows for kids were also more mature then than now. Before the fluorescent blandness of "Saved By The Bell", "Diff'rent Strokes" approached dozens of controversial subjects from racial identity to class discrimination to pedophilia to bulimia and all while making you laugh heartily with their oddball family.

Other shows went just as far, if not further. "All In The Family" virtually bombarded us with racial issues as the main character Archie Bunker dealt with his own negative inclinations towards people of color...and everyone else too.

"The Facts of Life" was another show that used humor to share life lessons. It was about four girls going to boarding school, all coming from different backgrounds. One of the girls dealt with an attempted rape while another lost her virginity.

And "Mr. Belvedere" was about a British manservant that was working for an American family. Sounds like a simple context with no possibility for complexity. "Mr. Belvedere" was the television show was the first to introduce me to AIDS.

I'm not saying we need to dump adult themes and concepts on children as early as possible. I'm only suggesting that their young, but perceptive, intellects need be respected. Denying them the facts on adult responsibilities is an excellent way to ensure that they never learn to manage them properly.

Does that mean we need to throw a nipple or two (dozen) into Harry Potter? I don't know. Is Emma Watson 18 yet?


*I've watched "Sheena: Queen of the Jungle" thirty-two times and I don't even own it...yet.